You are not alone
by xxxSerinaxxx
Summary: Story for everyone who wanted Touka and Kaneki to end up together.


**Note:** _I hope you enjoy'll this story. I wanted to write a story with more fulfilling relationship between my favorite characters. Seems like there are not many ToukaKaneki stories. Might change the rating in later chapters._  
 **Disclaimer:** _I don't own anything whatsoever_ :)

* * *

It has been a month since the Anteiku raid operation and Kaneki's disappearance. There was no news about him, until she learnt that he was dead. It shocked Touka so much that she refused to believe it. It seemed like a horrible nightmare that one can not wake up from. She convinced herself that Kaneki could not die. But days passed and nothing changed, and it made her emotional turmoil deeper. The pain drained her, made her weaker, thinner and frailer.

To reconcile with her new life she started a café shop called ":re" along with Renji Yomo, trying too hard not to think about death of Kaneiki Ken. She missed her friends―she missed Anteiku. The café ":re" came to take up Yoshimura's legacy and continue his work. And even though she was busy the entire time, nothing softened the pain she was feeling. Although, it was easier during the day time when she was serving people in the café and spending time with Renji. The nights were the hardest. In the silence of nights she was feeling her loneliness the most. She was blaming herself for the loss of Kaneki and others. Thinking if she tried hard she wouldn't be alone now, without them. She was spending the nights crying. The whole month was a nightmare that was torturing her every moment.

It was already late that evening. She had closed the cafe and went upstairs. Drinking freshly made coffee in her bed and thinking what went wrong with her life. She really was tired. Her mind was too tortured from thinking about Kaneiki.

" _I guess, I should sleep,_ " she thought, " _It is late already and I have things to do tomorrow."_

She went to the bathroom to take a quick shower before sleeping. Warm water was one of the things that was relieving her stress and making her to feel more relaxed. She got out of the shower, put her pajamas on and went out of the bathroom. The scene awaiting her outside the bathroom petrified her. She felt like her entire body froze and the blood in her veins felt colder than ice, as if time stopped and everything else stopped as well. Then she felt how the cells in her body rushed to make up for the lost seconds. Her heartbeat quickened, the heat flowed through her brain, and she started to shake from disbelief.

Kaneki Ken was standing there at her door. She covered her own mouth, as if trying to silence her scream, fearing it will distort the illusion of Kaneki that appeared in front of her. He looked emotionless. Something was changed, something was different. He was no longer the shy and reserved person she used to know. Something, that made her to become close to him and care for him, died. Touka was regretting that back then she didn't tell him that she really cares about him and was just pretending that she helps him only as a co-worker. He was more to her than just a co-worker.

"Is it you?" she muttered, "you are... a-alive..."

The drops of tears started to flow down her cheeks. She lifted her head up, trying to force the tears away.

"Touka..." Kaneki walked closer.

But she jumped back and yelled, "You…. You… I thought you are…" she couldn't finish. She felt she will not be able to hold the tears. She stepped back trying to keep the distance between her and him.

"Touka, I am sorry," Kaneki strode towards her. She stepped back and hit the wall behind her.

"I wanted to die," she screamed, "you promised me… you, idiot!"

The tears of distress, pain and sorrow flowed down her cheeks. He leaned his head towards her. She tried to avoid his touch, but there was nowhere to go. He was too close. She could smell his enchanting smell. What was he doing? How could he appear out of nowhere, just like that, completely changed and come so close to her.

"I did what I did to protect you," he mumbled.

His white hair was touching hers. She looked up. His eyes were the same human looking eyes. There was no hint of crimson red and yet, she could feel that Kaneki's essence had been changed, altered and grown.

"I don't need your protection, I can protect myself…." she cried irritated. "All I needed was not to be alone. You promised me. You said you won't leave me alone."

She felt his hand on her face. He wiped the tears from her eyes and cupped her face.

"I will not leave you," he said quietly. "I just couldn't afford to lose anyone anymore… especially―"

He didn't finish his sentence. He bent down. Their lips met. She felt her own heartbeat getting crazily fast. She tried to push him awa,y but she was too weak to do that. She used her kagune piercing it through his back. He was just standing there, not moving, kissing her as if his life depended on that kiss. He looked at her. Touka panicked. Who was this guy? Kaneki Ken was absolutely not this kind of person.

"You will not be alone, anymore," he gathered her hair away from her eyes. "Your eyes are beautiful and you shouldn't cover them."

She felt embarrassed, hurt, but something that was squeezing her heart, making her miserable, disappeared as he hugged her. She felt free, comforted and warm in his arms. And that confused Touka even more. What was going on? Why was he saying those things. Why was she feeling so weak from his touch. Why was she craving it?

His hands slipped to her thighs, gently and tenderly. He picked her up. She felt his warmth on her body and shivers passed through her spine. She tried to protest, but he didn't pay mind.

"You will get cold," he complained." You shouldn't stand here when you just got out of shower."

He put her on her bed and covered her with her blanket, hugging her body at the same time, as if shielding her against everything in the world.

"You won't leave…?" she asked, bewildered and overwhelmed by his sudden appearance and odd behaviour.

He smiled, pushing her hair back and kissing her forehead. She got her hand out of the blanket, and finding Kaneki's hand, squeezed his hand. In return he tightened his grip around her waist and smiled again. They stayed in that position silently for a while and she fell asleep for the first time thoughts got distracted with her low mumbles. He looked at her. He wouldn't afford to lose her. Not her.

In the morning when he woke up, Touka wasn't there anymore. He got out of bed and went downstairs. She was washing cups. Renji was making coffee.

"You..?" Renji looked surprised. "You are alive. Touka, hurry up! Come here."

Touka ran to them and, seeing Kaneki, she smiled. He smiled back at her.

"What?" Renji asked confused, "You knew?"

"He came yesterday," she mumbled, looking at him.

"Huh!" Renji smirked, "that is why you were buzzing so happily since you woke up"

Touka's face turned red and she looked away flustered.

* * *

Now that Kaneki returned Touka didn't know what to do. She was suffering all the time she thought he is dead. She couldn't explain why she felt the way she did. She was dreading from the idea that Kaneki could leave again and never come back. How much she wished to be an ordinary human, to live without fear and uncertainty that some day everything will be over, everyone she knows and loves will disappear from earth as if they have never been there. Kaneki suddenly came to her mind. He meant so much for her. Her thoughts trailed back to the kiss he so forcefully planted on her lips. Without realizing it, she touched her lips and her heart flattered and fell down from strange happy feeling. She felt her entire brain melt like a cup of warmed chocolate. What was going on with her? She couldn't explain her irrational desire to be around him.

She was sitting in the cafe waiting for customers. She wanted her mind to be occupied with work and anything else but him. He was overwhelming her. His very presence yesterday made her lose her sanity. And she would never forgive herself for the momentary lapse of judgement. There were not many customers. The new cafe was mainly visited by humans. Perhaps it was for the best. Who knows what will happen next!? Touka sighed. She so much wished for Yoshimura to be there. She needed his advice. Why did everything need to be that way?

Renji wasn't there. He and Kaneki locked the door and were having a conversation that she most likely didn't need to participate in. It was almost an afternoon and Touka decided to make some coffee for Renji and Kaneki. He looked so exhausted and worn. She didn't know where he was all that time. How could she just happily let him go when he ignored all of her questions? Touka suddenly felt angry with herself. He just kissed her and she decided that it was a good explanation and compensation for all the pain she felt. She shouldn't have been so stupid. The coffee was almost ready. She decided to go to him and press him with her questions and if she isn't getting satisfactory answers he is not getting away with it.

She filled the cups with sweet smelling coffee and putting them on the tray walked towards the room where Kaneki and Renji were. They were speaking quite loudly, so they didn't hear the first time when she knocked on the door. Their voices were loud enough to reach her ears.

"Yoshimura is alive and I will bring him back," Kaneki stated angrily.

Hearing this, Touka paused. She couldn't believe it. If only it was true. She knocked again impatiently and with more strength.

"Who is it?" Renji called out.

"It's me, Touka," she said.

Renji opened the door, and she came in―the tray in her hands. She looked at Kaneki; his eye was changed. His face looked cold and intimidating. Touka shivered when she passed by him to give him the coffee cup.

"I have heard you," she said, "about Yoshimura being alive. If that is true I want to help you to bring him back"

Kaneki only lowered his head carefully looking into his cup. He didn't say anything. It seemed as if he is going to ignore her completely. When he spoke his voice was so cold, it felt it was going to break into pieces. He didn't address Touka though.

"Can you leave us for a moment Renji-san? I'd like to have a word with Touka," he mumbled.

Renji looked puzzled because of the strange request, but he didn't say anything and nodded in agreement leaving the room. The new relationship forming between these two was not the traditional type of relationship one would expect to see but he could guess that something was going on between them. Perhaps it wouldn't be called love not even friendship, something more bizarre. In the end who even had the right to speak of peculiarity of things. They were human eaters. As soon as Renji left Kaneki lifted his head and met Touka's surprised face. Her eyes widened in disbelief when Kaneki walked towards her and pushing her back to the door and pressed her onto it.

"Do not even dare to think of it! You are not strong enough for that," he hissed

"What?" Touka pushed him as far as she could. What was he thinking? She always was doing whatever she found right and she didn't need some boy to babysit her or tell her what to do "You have no right."

"I am sorry Touka," he said.

She saw his Kagune to come out. It was horrendous. She has never ever seen anything like that. What did he do? A transparent blue enormous Kagune warped her. She felt her body freeze and all of her strength drain away. He wasn't hitting her, clenching her, choking or beating her, he was taking her energy away from her and there was a crazy smile on his face. His eye was redder than blood. He looked terrifying. She felt absolute numbness and then the transparent blue glow disappeared.

"I will not let you play with your life," he said. "Do not accept it all you want. I don't care about your hurt pride. You are weaker than me and I just showed that to you. And in this world stronger ones decide what will happen, not the weaklings"

Touka fell on the floor. She wanted to cry. She felt betrayed and hurt. What was he trying to prove? She felt him close. He leaned towards her and picked her up. The ghoul eye Kaneki had disappeared. The white haired man cupped her face and kissed her. She felt her body tense and become even weaker. Was he planning to kill her this way? She thought she was so weak she was going to pass out. His lips were pressing on hers passionately. He was so delicious.

And what kind of Kagune was that even? She saw his kagune yesterday. The one yesterday was different. What was happening to Kaneki?

"Where is the gentle boy I met who didn't even want to feed to survive?" she whispered defeated when he let her lips go free.

"He died to become someone who will protect you," Kaneki said, lifting her exhausted body up.

Touka felt powerless, exhausted and too fragile. All her strength and energy disappeared. Kaneki's kagune sucked it off of her. She wasted the last drops of strength left in her body asking this jerk what happened to him. She didn't have the strength to even think. Silver haired man's eyes were locked on hers. His eyes were wet like the sky of the autumn rainy morning filled with tears and pain. Was he crying? She could feel his strange heartbeat and his protective strong arms around her. Her mind was struggling to get up and slap the jerk so hard that he would collect his teeth from every corner of the room, but her body was so weak and worn out that fluttering her eyelashes were the hardest task, she was able to perform. She didn't know how it was possible but Kaneki Ken stole all her strength from her in the matter of seconds. She was aware of his every movement. He was taking her to her room. She so wanted to punch the idiot. What was wrong with him? Did he make a point when he stole all her strength? How the hell did he even manage to do that?

Touka felt her body touch the blankets on her bed. She was getting crazy from the inability to move. The exhaustion was so intense she looked like a paralyzed person and felt like one. Kaneki sat next to her. He extended his fingers and brushed his fingertips over her smooth, silky skin. Touka felt anger was rushing to her body and it was consuming her flesh.

"Promise you won't do anything stupid," Kaneki mumbled playing with her locks, "I will give you back your strength."

So he really took it from her! How? How did he manage to do that? Touka's body was in daze. She blinked hoping it will be a sign of agreement.

Kaneki smiled. His ghoul eye glowed in the dim light of her bedroom. Touka's body filled the fear when she saw that a strange kagune pierced out of his eye and wrapped her. This time the feeling was different. She felt how gradually she was becoming alive, real. But then he stopped. Touka looked at him surprised.

"What happened?" she asked confused.

"You have enough strength," he said coldly, "I won't give you more than you need to live a normal life."

Touka jumped up. She wanted to kill him. The stupid moron thought he can control her. She tried to punch him but he easily overpowered her and threw her body back on the bed like a tiny petal of a rose is being thrown around by the sharp wind. Touka felt her hands pushed on the bed. She tried to move but in vain. Kaneki was too strong. God knows what happens when he consumes her energy! Her body was pressed on bed and the young silver haired man was hovering over her. She tried to move couple of times but couldn't even tremble slightly as his arms were holding her down too persistently.

"You, idiot!" she screamed, "let me go. What do you think you are doing? Thief!"

She couldn't move. All her efforts were in vain. She didn't have all of her strength and Kaneki changed too much for her even to understand his real abilities. Did he have more than one Kagune? How the hell did he get them? Is he really that special as Yoshimura was believing?

 _Yoshimura!_

Her heart skipped a beat. She so much wanted to see him. Was he really alive? Why this jerk wasn't telling her anything? She tried to move again and forced all her strength to get rid of Kaneki's grip but that only made her wrists sore. He didn't even flinch as if nothing was happening. That is how much effort he gave to keep her pressed on the bed.

"Let me go," she screamed again in despair.

"No!" he said forcing her wrists on the bed more roughly, "I can't! Don't ask me. Please..."

Touka winced in pain. She couldn't imagine that it was possible for her body to feel that way just from being pinned down. She looked up at Kaneki. His hair were covering most of his face as he bent his face down and was looking at her in a monotone, emotionless expression. Touka noticed his eyes were shining and were filled with tears. His face was twitched and he was forcing himself not to burst into his frustration. Touka felt guilty. He was not trying to defeat her, it was him who was defeated. He was lost and alone. He was clinging to her like a dying person clings to life. A drop of tear escaped his eye, unable to stay there any longer.

"Please..." he whispered.

Touka's heart clenched. He lost his best friend and now he doesn't want to let her go. She tried to move again but his grip was too strong. She looked at her wrists. Now they were burning with pain. She extended her fingers back and was able to curl enough to touch his hands. Her touch made him shiver and for a second he lost his control and she was able to get rid of his grip. She rubbed her red and swollen wrists with her palms. He didn't try to grab his hands again but didn't move off of her. He was still hovering over her body and keeping her pinned down on the bed.

Touka slowly moved her hand towards his face and she felt him tense and freeze. Her fingertips brushed the tear drop down. She hesitatingly cupped his cheek with her hand and looked up at him desperately.

"Ken-kun," she mumbled, "please, trust me. I will not leave you alone. Let me help you. I miss Yoshimura. He is like a father to me. I need to know what happened to him."

Kaneki lowered his head and grabbing Touka's hand pressed it to his face. His face was ice cold.

"I will bring him back. I promise," he said.

He bent his head and Touka's eyes widened in surprise when she felt his lips lightly touching her neck. Something strange washed all of her body and she felt warm and cold at the same time.

His face was buried into her neck and she could feel his hot breathing warming her skin. He started to plant soft, wet kisses on her collar bone and Touka's body froze in surprise. She tried to move away from him, but he was holding her too tightly, and she didn't have enough strength to fight. They never spoke about their feelings. They never opened up. They always acted even a little bit distant and foreign at times. And now...? Now she was lying on the bed, and he was hovering over her, his body tightly pressed against hers and his lips grazing her flesh. She needed to know if he loved her. Kaneki lifted his head and looked at Touka again.

"Touka-chan," he mumbled, brushing away her hair from her forehead with his fingertips, "I am sorry."

She looked at him surprised and then getting up pushed him away.

"What do you think you are doing, idiot!?" she screamed at him "You leave me for so long and then come back without any explanations. Where have you been all this time? What happened to you? Why are you doing this to me?"

Kaneki looked down at the blue blankets and didn't say anything. Touka could feel how blood was rushing through her brain. She could feel her own heartbeat was quickening. Now that he was close, she wanted him to stay close. She didn't want him to leave again. She wanted him to be with her forever. His smell filled her nostrils and she felt overpowered by strong, clingy emotions. She needed to be close with him. Touka timidly leaned forward and pressed her head against Kaneki's chest. She paused. Tears escaped her eyes and flowed down her blushing cheeks. She felt how his arms came together and wrapped around back. He softly cupped the back of her head and pressed her a little bit more tighly to his chest. She could smell him and listen to his heartbeat and that send shivers through her body.

"I needed to save Hide," Kaneki mumbled quietly, "I am sorry I made you suffer."

 _Hide?_

He was killed during the Anteiku raid. The only friend Kaneki had, died. Touka's breathing became more shallow and she gasped sharply moving her head back and looking up at him. She hesitated for a moment but then taking all the courage she had, she pushed herself up and kissed him. His eyes widened in surprise. Touka regretted kissing him. Feeling his unresponsiveness she tried to move away but at that second Kaneki held her close more roughly and kissed her back passionately.

"I will never leave you again," he said, hugging the beautiful girl's thin body. "Never!"

She felt her whole brain tingling in happiness. Her heart felt so secure and all of the pain that was caged inside her run away. In Kaneki's arms she felt free and protected.

"Ken," she used his name again, "I... um.. I.." she stopped, hearing someone calling her name.

It was Renji. Perhaps he noticed Touka not being around for a while, or maybe they had too many customers and he needed help.

"I..." she looked into his eyes and paused, "I need to go."

She got up and ran out of the room, leaving Kaneki alone in her bedroom. He sighed looking after her. He always thought she is very beautiful and only now he had the courage to come back. He swore to himself to be strong enough for her. He needed to protect Touka. And he had a plan.

* * *

"You are such an idiot!" Touka yelled at Nishiki who was trying to collect another set of broken cups from the floor that he most likely smashed there in the first place.

"Just shut up!" Nishiki yelled back at her.

They went on yelling at each other and stopped at the same time, seeing Ken standing there in front of them. Nishiki's mouth dropped. He looked as if he just had seen a ghost. He silently looked at Kaneki for several seconds unable to utter a word.

"I thought you'd be happier to see me, Nishiki," Kaneki said, walking closer.

"You, fucking idiot," Nishiki mumbled, his voice wavering, "you are alive..."

"Touka-chan, will you make coffee for us?" he asked politely, turning to the girl and smiling at her gently.

"Alright! I will, now," Touka answered, taking the tray of broken cups with her, without unlocking her angry glare from Nishiki's dumbfounded face

"Huh," Nishiki's facial expression looked amusing. He was not just surprised, he looked shocked.

"What the hell is going on?" he muttered, looking at the silver haired man.

Kaneki walked closer to him and whispered, "One more time I catch you yelling at Touka, you will have to collect your brain from the floor, not the broken cups."

"Crap! What the hell is..?" Nishiki looked at him dumbfounded.

"You heard me, senpai," Kaneki chuckled darkly, "you are a fucking corpse, if you insult her again, got it?"

Nishiki looked at him comprehensively, still unable to believe that he was alive.

"What is this about?" he asked, looking at him suspiciously. "Chill Kaneki, Touka is a big girl, she can stand up for herself. Didn't you see she was the one yelling at me."

"I warned you," Kaneki's face twisted into an unpleasant grimace, "I don't give a shit. I told you don't insult her. End of story."

Nishiki didn't know what to ask, where to start from. They all thought he is dead. And why Kirishma from all the people on this earth was so willingly making coffee for him. That was new and surprising. Was there something he missed? Kaneki was too suspiciously aggressive about defending the crazy rabbit.

"Nishiki," Renji spoke walking to them. "Decided to visit us?"

"Yeah!" he mumbled. "And seems like I need to do a lot of catching up with the recent events."

"We have some important things to discuss with you, too" Renji said, looking at Kaneki. "It's about Yoshimura."

"What about him?" Nishiki's eyes widened, "Is he alive too?"

The two men nodded and he looked at them shocked. Anyone could tell looking into his eyes that the news of Yoshimura being alive made him happy.

"Where is he?" he asked quickly, "Is he here? I want to see him."

"No," Renji snorted, "he is..."

"There is the coffee," Touka said, approaching them.


End file.
